I have to apologize for my lack of posts lately on this blog (if anyone's even reading!) but between a husband, two kids, a house, and life in general, i haven't found the time to share my thoughts about birth.
I've had lots of thoughts and ideas running through my head lately about birth but since I happen to be short on time, I'll share only one of those thoughts.
Each month, I attend a birth circle in Queen Creek, Arizona. It is a place where like-minded women meet to discuss pregnancy and birth. It is an awesome group! For one thing, it is nice to have conversations about birth where you can literally finish the other person's sentence. There is such a tangible feeling their of true concern and love for each other...it is just wonderful.
So, at our last meeting, two nurses came from a local hospital because they were feeling very frustrated with what they see every day at Labor and Delivery and were looking to find support for their ideas and feelings (they are the "black sheep" where they work because *gasp* they support natural birth!!!). It was quite shocking to hear what they had to say about the things they're seeing at work. Obviously no personal information was shared, so as to not break any laws, but they explained to us the kinds of things they're seeing; the kinds of things I've been reading and hearing about! It was sad to me to realize that all of the issues we're facing in birth right now aren't simply things I've read about on the internet...they are actually happening right in my back yard. That particular day at work, those ladies had 16 births. How many of those births do you think were cesarean sections? Seven. Seven out of sixteen births! Born by c-section. We asked what the reasons for the c-sections were and the majority would be considered unnecessary, meaning they were failure to progress/failed induction, etc. Hearing this made me so sad. That is almost a 50% c-section rate for that day. Astounding! That particular hospital's rate is between 33-34% overall...much, much too high. Unfortunately, extremely common.
What I came away with, however, was not overwhelming sadness and disgust for the way birth is at this point in time...I came away with a renewed desire to continue educating and inspiring women so that they do not have to go through traumatic births (vaginal or surgical). I want to help women see that birth can be something that doesn't have to be feared. I want to help women have the type of birth they want and know how to achieve that in any setting whether that is a hospital, a birth center, or at home. I want to make a difference...even if it is one woman at a time. Right now, my scope of influence is very small, but I hope someday to have more opportunities to educate and inspire by becoming a doula and a childbirth educator. I've pondered those things a lot lately and have come to realize that as badly as I want to do those things right now, it is not the right time. That makes me sad, but I also know that my most important job is to take care of my family first. I know someday I'll be able to work with women and help them achieve the births they desire. Until then, this blog will continue to be a wonderful outlet for me and my small way of making a difference.
More posts to come (soon, hopefully)!
What things have you been thinking about lately, in regards to pregnancy or birth?
Thursday, December 16, 2010
Friday, October 8, 2010
Guest post
This isn't too related to birth but I was privileged to do a guest post on one of my favorite real food blogs, Taste Is Trump. Kara posts delicious, real food recipes on her blog. She has a knack for creating delicious dishes and she uses all sorts of creative combinations. Go visit her blog...I think you'll love it as much as I do!
Here's my first post, Roasted Vegetable and Garlic Quinoa.
And, my second post, 6 Tips for your Real-Food Journey.
I can sort of thank much of my journey towards real food to my journey towards natural childbirth. These two journeys have gone hand-in-hand for me, so maybe this post is applicable after all?
Enjoy!
Here's my first post, Roasted Vegetable and Garlic Quinoa.
And, my second post, 6 Tips for your Real-Food Journey.
I can sort of thank much of my journey towards real food to my journey towards natural childbirth. These two journeys have gone hand-in-hand for me, so maybe this post is applicable after all?
Enjoy!
Monday, October 4, 2010
My response to Tianna
Tianna commented on the post below about my breastfeeding story. She had some questions for me, and my response was too long to post in the comments section. If anyone else has any other advice to offer on this subject (the logistics of nursing an older baby), please do contribute!
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Tianna, thank you :) I have been inspired by many, many women, so I am so happy to do the same.
I do not, regularly, use a breastfeeding cover. I have gotten good enough at it where I can nurse very discreetly. I always have on a tank top underneath my shirt, so I will pull up my shirt and then pull my tank top down underneath my breast. I'll cover my breast with my hand while the baby latches on, then my shirt will cover the rest of it while she nurses (I realize that I am a small-chested woman, so this works for me, but it may not work if you have a large chest...I don't know about that because I don't have a large chest!). When she gets distracted and pulls off, I quickly pull my shirt down. That means I am always very self aware and never show anything. Most people don't even realize I'm nursing. There are times when I do use a cover. Often it is in a social situation where I feel uncomfortable because I know others feel uncomfortable with me nursing, like around lots of guy friends, etc. Sometimes, I do leave and go to another room because being around people is just too distracting. When the baby was small, I would nurse in Sacrament meeting without a problem. More often now, I go to the lounge because it is less distracting for her.
I am not perfect at nursing on demand. She still uses a binky and I like that. But I have tried to be more aware this time and offer her my breast when she cries, rather than offering her a binky. She will nurse anywhere and in any position. She nurses while I chase the toddler around, getting him off tables, etc. She nurses while I clean up toys. She nurses while I hold her brother. She is really adaptable because she loves it so much.
Max was not difficult to wean, but I think it is because I never really, really nursed him for more than just feedings. By the end, he was nursing three times a day. Gradually, we stopped nursing before his nap - I just would lay him down with his binky instead of nursing him. Then, instead of nursing him in the morning, I'd take him right out of his crib and we'd go eat breakfast. At night, I just didn't nurse him one night and that was that. It was really easy to wean him (easy logistically but not easy emotionally), but again, I feel that it is probably because I never really nursed him for much more than nourishment. I do not know how it will be with Maude, since I've approached the whole thing much differently this time around. However, I'm not worried about it. I am quite comfortable with nursing her as long as she needs it. Yes, even if she is 2 years old. I know that is not culturally acceptable, but it feels right to me and I believe that relationship is very important...even past one year old.
Max never drank milk. He doesn't like it. I don't like milk either. At first, I was concerned about it. But after a lot of research and prayer, I decided it wasn't a big deal. We are made to think that dairy is where we get all of our nourishment, but that's simply not true. In fact, too much dairy can cause problems like inflammation and over-production of mucous. He eats a very well balanced diet and he eats other dairy products like cheese and yogurt very well. If you are concerned about liquid intake, you could offer almond milk, whole milk or raw cow's milk, or rice milk. I don't recommend soy milk.
As for the babysitter goes...here are my thoughts, and I realize that this may not be how everyone thinks, but it is how I feel. When I am a nursing mother, I try to remember what a privilege and blessing it is to be a nursing mother and to be the only one who can provide that nourishment for my baby. That means that I may have to sacrifice things while I am nursing. For example, I cannot leave my baby overnight or for more than a few hours at a time. But, to me, that never feels like a sacrifice, because honestly, I do not wish to be away from my baby or toddler for that amount of time. For me personally, if I need to get away and have time to myself, an hour or two is enough for me to feel rejuvenated. If we go on a date, that is trickier. I will make sure to nurse the baby right before we leave, and we will go on a short date. Or, if needed, we'll come home and feed the baby, then go back out. I have not had success with pumping after the first few weeks of the baby's birth. I don't pump more than just an ounce or so, so I don't even try. I just realize that a bottle is not an option for me, and leaving them for a long time is not an option either. As long as I realize that it isn't an option for me, it doesn't feel hard or annoying. Honestly, it doesn't bother me, though I know, for some women, it is very important for them to be able to not feel "attached" in that way. Or for others, who work, it is a necessity to be away. I don't have any advice on that front because I have not been in the situation where I've had to leave my baby for work.
When the baby is older, they can go longer between feedings. I find that it is much easier to leave the baby as they get older. Before the baby is 6 months old, I rarely leave. If I do, it is for only an hour and a half. Or else, I am rushing home feeling stressed that the baby is hungry. Once they can eat solids, you can distract them with that until you return.
Do you have any other questions? Did I answer everything you were wondering?
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Tianna, thank you :) I have been inspired by many, many women, so I am so happy to do the same.
(Nursing my two month old at the Grand Canyon...can't even tell, right?)
I do not, regularly, use a breastfeeding cover. I have gotten good enough at it where I can nurse very discreetly. I always have on a tank top underneath my shirt, so I will pull up my shirt and then pull my tank top down underneath my breast. I'll cover my breast with my hand while the baby latches on, then my shirt will cover the rest of it while she nurses (I realize that I am a small-chested woman, so this works for me, but it may not work if you have a large chest...I don't know about that because I don't have a large chest!). When she gets distracted and pulls off, I quickly pull my shirt down. That means I am always very self aware and never show anything. Most people don't even realize I'm nursing. There are times when I do use a cover. Often it is in a social situation where I feel uncomfortable because I know others feel uncomfortable with me nursing, like around lots of guy friends, etc. Sometimes, I do leave and go to another room because being around people is just too distracting. When the baby was small, I would nurse in Sacrament meeting without a problem. More often now, I go to the lounge because it is less distracting for her.
I am not perfect at nursing on demand. She still uses a binky and I like that. But I have tried to be more aware this time and offer her my breast when she cries, rather than offering her a binky. She will nurse anywhere and in any position. She nurses while I chase the toddler around, getting him off tables, etc. She nurses while I clean up toys. She nurses while I hold her brother. She is really adaptable because she loves it so much.
Max was not difficult to wean, but I think it is because I never really, really nursed him for more than just feedings. By the end, he was nursing three times a day. Gradually, we stopped nursing before his nap - I just would lay him down with his binky instead of nursing him. Then, instead of nursing him in the morning, I'd take him right out of his crib and we'd go eat breakfast. At night, I just didn't nurse him one night and that was that. It was really easy to wean him (easy logistically but not easy emotionally), but again, I feel that it is probably because I never really nursed him for much more than nourishment. I do not know how it will be with Maude, since I've approached the whole thing much differently this time around. However, I'm not worried about it. I am quite comfortable with nursing her as long as she needs it. Yes, even if she is 2 years old. I know that is not culturally acceptable, but it feels right to me and I believe that relationship is very important...even past one year old.
Max never drank milk. He doesn't like it. I don't like milk either. At first, I was concerned about it. But after a lot of research and prayer, I decided it wasn't a big deal. We are made to think that dairy is where we get all of our nourishment, but that's simply not true. In fact, too much dairy can cause problems like inflammation and over-production of mucous. He eats a very well balanced diet and he eats other dairy products like cheese and yogurt very well. If you are concerned about liquid intake, you could offer almond milk, whole milk or raw cow's milk, or rice milk. I don't recommend soy milk.
As for the babysitter goes...here are my thoughts, and I realize that this may not be how everyone thinks, but it is how I feel. When I am a nursing mother, I try to remember what a privilege and blessing it is to be a nursing mother and to be the only one who can provide that nourishment for my baby. That means that I may have to sacrifice things while I am nursing. For example, I cannot leave my baby overnight or for more than a few hours at a time. But, to me, that never feels like a sacrifice, because honestly, I do not wish to be away from my baby or toddler for that amount of time. For me personally, if I need to get away and have time to myself, an hour or two is enough for me to feel rejuvenated. If we go on a date, that is trickier. I will make sure to nurse the baby right before we leave, and we will go on a short date. Or, if needed, we'll come home and feed the baby, then go back out. I have not had success with pumping after the first few weeks of the baby's birth. I don't pump more than just an ounce or so, so I don't even try. I just realize that a bottle is not an option for me, and leaving them for a long time is not an option either. As long as I realize that it isn't an option for me, it doesn't feel hard or annoying. Honestly, it doesn't bother me, though I know, for some women, it is very important for them to be able to not feel "attached" in that way. Or for others, who work, it is a necessity to be away. I don't have any advice on that front because I have not been in the situation where I've had to leave my baby for work.
When the baby is older, they can go longer between feedings. I find that it is much easier to leave the baby as they get older. Before the baby is 6 months old, I rarely leave. If I do, it is for only an hour and a half. Or else, I am rushing home feeling stressed that the baby is hungry. Once they can eat solids, you can distract them with that until you return.
Do you have any other questions? Did I answer everything you were wondering?
My story
I have been lucky to have a fairly easy time breastfeeding my babies. After my first baby was born in the hospital (with an epidural), he was not very interested in nursing until a few hours after his birth. I tried within 30-45 minutes of his birth, but he was really sleepy. Once he nursed, though, he did amazing. A lactation consultant helped me nurse him the day after his evening birth, and her help really solidified his latch. She helped me understand what a good latch was. I was lucky to never get too sore or cracked. My engorgement was even tolerable, only lasting maybe an evening. My son was a slow nurser. He would nurse for about 45 minutes total, and would often fall asleep at the breast...so peaceful. Around 6 weeks postpartum, I decided to go on a birth control pill. Within days of doing this, I began to lose my milk. I was frantic about this and stopped the birth control and have not gone back on it since (for many more reasons). Luckily, I regained my milk supply and nursed my first until he was 15 1/2 months old, only weaning because I was pregnant and the pregnancy hormones made me extremely sore. I wanted to continue nursing so badly, but I couldn't push through it, so reluctantly, we weaned. The hardest part of nursing my first came when he was about 8 or 9 months old. I became really cracked and sore, due to his teething. I spoke with a WIC lactation consultant, who advised me to get some Soothie gel pads (a friend also recommended these) and within a couple of days, I felt better! I had tried Lanolin, but that wasn't doing anything. Once we got past that, I realized...this is why women quit. It was horrible! I am so glad I persisted and made it through that time because we were able to spend over a year nursing and it was a beautiful relationship.
My second baby's breastfeeding story started out very much like my first. She was born at home without medication, but was also not extremely interested in nursing right away, though I tried. I think she finally decided to nurse about an hour or two after she was born and she latched right on! Then, she nursed for over an hour! She has been much different in the way she nurses, however. I don't know if it is my approach to breastfeeding this time around, using it for comfort and food, or if it is her personality, but she loves to nurse for comfort and often. I try to let her nurse whenever she wants. When my milk came in, I was engorged beyond belief. It was incredibly painful. I had so much milk that when I pumped, I got 4 ounces in about one minute...from one side. My engorgement lasted about a week and was honestly, very, very painful. I could hardly move. I'd sit in the bathtub and try to release the pressure, sleep with bags of peas covering my chest and my arms resting on pillows to support my gigantic chest. I couldn't get enough of nursing at that stage. I think I nursed every few minutes because I needed that release...and yet, I seemed to never be empty! While I was so engorged, one of my breasts got a clogged milk duct. It was extremely painful...extremely. I am glad it did not turn into mastitis. It cleared up after a few days of using heat packs, massage, and feeding in different positions (laying on top of the baby, supporting myself with my arms, seemed to help release that particular duct very well). It came back in the same location a few weeks later, but luckily cleared up shortly after. Eventually, my milk supply did regulate which was a welcome change. At the beginning, when my milk would let down, my little baby would choke and cough because it was so powerful. Luckily, she would latch right back on and continue eating. She only had to nurse for about 5 minutes on one side at the beginning, due to my over abundance of milk. Little by little, as my supply regulated, she nursed longer on one side and then eventually nursed (and continues to nurse) on both sides. I have so enjoyed nursing this baby and hope to continue nursing for as long as she needs.
I think one of the most beautiful things about nursing is looking down and realizing that I am their nourishment. I am their comforter, their pacifier. I am the one who carried them, grew them, helped to create them and birth them. And now, I am the one helping them to grow outside the womb. Helping them to learn to trust and to love. It is a role I take very seriously and a responsibility I cherish greatly.
I really enjoyed hearing everyone's experiences. I am so impressed by the desire you had to breastfeed and that you persisted, despite the challenges you faced. It is my hope that we can all be examples to the women around us. That we can show them that breastfeeding is beautiful, it is normal, it is the best for our babies. But we can also help them to understand that it isn't always easy, it can be painful, and that it doesn't always feel natural in the beginning. There may be hurdles to jump, but if you can persist, it will give your baby so much more than just optimal nourishment...it will give you both a beautiful relationship, a special bond of trust, and a satisfaction in knowing that there is nobody or nothing else in this world that is helping your baby grow...it is all you! What a privilege and honor, we as women, have!
My second baby's breastfeeding story started out very much like my first. She was born at home without medication, but was also not extremely interested in nursing right away, though I tried. I think she finally decided to nurse about an hour or two after she was born and she latched right on! Then, she nursed for over an hour! She has been much different in the way she nurses, however. I don't know if it is my approach to breastfeeding this time around, using it for comfort and food, or if it is her personality, but she loves to nurse for comfort and often. I try to let her nurse whenever she wants. When my milk came in, I was engorged beyond belief. It was incredibly painful. I had so much milk that when I pumped, I got 4 ounces in about one minute...from one side. My engorgement lasted about a week and was honestly, very, very painful. I could hardly move. I'd sit in the bathtub and try to release the pressure, sleep with bags of peas covering my chest and my arms resting on pillows to support my gigantic chest. I couldn't get enough of nursing at that stage. I think I nursed every few minutes because I needed that release...and yet, I seemed to never be empty! While I was so engorged, one of my breasts got a clogged milk duct. It was extremely painful...extremely. I am glad it did not turn into mastitis. It cleared up after a few days of using heat packs, massage, and feeding in different positions (laying on top of the baby, supporting myself with my arms, seemed to help release that particular duct very well). It came back in the same location a few weeks later, but luckily cleared up shortly after. Eventually, my milk supply did regulate which was a welcome change. At the beginning, when my milk would let down, my little baby would choke and cough because it was so powerful. Luckily, she would latch right back on and continue eating. She only had to nurse for about 5 minutes on one side at the beginning, due to my over abundance of milk. Little by little, as my supply regulated, she nursed longer on one side and then eventually nursed (and continues to nurse) on both sides. I have so enjoyed nursing this baby and hope to continue nursing for as long as she needs.
I think one of the most beautiful things about nursing is looking down and realizing that I am their nourishment. I am their comforter, their pacifier. I am the one who carried them, grew them, helped to create them and birth them. And now, I am the one helping them to grow outside the womb. Helping them to learn to trust and to love. It is a role I take very seriously and a responsibility I cherish greatly.
I really enjoyed hearing everyone's experiences. I am so impressed by the desire you had to breastfeed and that you persisted, despite the challenges you faced. It is my hope that we can all be examples to the women around us. That we can show them that breastfeeding is beautiful, it is normal, it is the best for our babies. But we can also help them to understand that it isn't always easy, it can be painful, and that it doesn't always feel natural in the beginning. There may be hurdles to jump, but if you can persist, it will give your baby so much more than just optimal nourishment...it will give you both a beautiful relationship, a special bond of trust, and a satisfaction in knowing that there is nobody or nothing else in this world that is helping your baby grow...it is all you! What a privilege and honor, we as women, have!
Monday, September 20, 2010
What's your story?
A reader of mine shared this on her blog and was kind enough to let me share it on here. I should have shared it awhile ago, but you know how life is. It gets busy.
These are her words:
The past few days has brought some attention to a particular interview with new mother, known for her modelling career. (She also has a shoe range, used to date Leo Di Caprio and her name rhymes withFisele Fundchen)
You can find the article on the net but one part I read was she only breastfed for 3 weeks and thought she perhaps could have pursued it a bit longer. Hmm... well, why didn't you?
Anyway, these are my personal thoughts and experiences with breastfeeding. I have been wanting to share them and now seems like the perfect time.
My own mother did not breastfeed me. She tried for two weeks and had issues so switched to the bottle. My younger sibling was bottle fed from the start.
My maternal grandmother did not breastfeed her five children.
I don't recall anyone in my extended family or acquaintances breastfeeding or talking about it openly.
I was told that my aunty breastfed her three children, so I went to her for help two weeks after I had started breastfeeding my first child.
I had a very painful experience... I almost quit on several occasions.
During my pregnancy I knew I wanted to breastfeed. I made that decision because I believe it is the best thing for my children. I was under the assumption that it was a natural, beautiful thing to do.... I don't recall anyone mentioning anything about pain or learning how to breastfeed... I thought it just happened.
I mean c'mon, all you hear about is how painful labour and childbirth is.... geez, that is nothing compared to learning how to breastfeed! At least you know the labour will end.... this breastfeeding thing can be painful for weeks!
From the start I had no idea what I was doing. Yes that was my fault for not learning. She attached incorrectly, gave me blister upon blister and I cried and curled my toes up in pain. The thought of feeding her made me cringe. I would count down the minutes to the next feed.... in fear of more pain.
The midwives in the hospital all tried to help and offer assistance but it didn't change a thing.
Pumping was worse. The part that really hurt was the thought of failing.
I wanted to break the cycle and actually breastfeed my daughter. It was hard not being able to go to my own mother and ask for help when I needed her. It made me sad to know that my grandmother didn't breastfeed her daughter either. I set my mind to do this and I wanted to succeed.
It took about 2 - 3 weeks before the pain subsided and I could start to enjoy my newborn and stop feeling the pain. I am glad I pushed through it and was able to nurse her for ten months.
Those moments were amazing.
Now with my second daughter, I made sure I reviewed and re-learnt how to breastfeed again before she was born. This time I prayed not only for a healthy baby and a safe delivery, but for a good breastfeeding experience. From the first feed, she latched on correctly and although initially painful, I knew it was nothing compared to the first time round.
A few days ago as I was feeding, I looked down at my 5 month old and realised that all of her little life was due to me. I have been the only one keeping her alive, healthy and growing every day. It was such a satisfying moment. I felt amazing!
I want to be a positive role model for my daughters.
My two year old came to me today asking "milkies?"
She had her toy Ducky with her.
I thought she was referring to her sister who had just finished a feed.
She stood holding Ducky and lifted up her top. Ducky was given a 'feed.' Then burped.
I was the proudest mother.
We learn by watching others.
I'm glad my daughters are watching me and learning.
I thought this was a beautiful, real experience of breastfeeding. It made me stop and examine my own "Breastfeeding Story." I'm going to post mine in a few days. Until then, I thought I'd ask...what's YOUR story? Was it easy for you to breastfeed? Was it challenging? If you stuck with it, how did you make it through? How has breastfeeding changed your life? What motivated you to breastfeed your baby?
These are her words:
The past few days has brought some attention to a particular interview with new mother, known for her modelling career. (She also has a shoe range, used to date Leo Di Caprio and her name rhymes withFisele Fundchen)
You can find the article on the net but one part I read was she only breastfed for 3 weeks and thought she perhaps could have pursued it a bit longer. Hmm... well, why didn't you?
Anyway, these are my personal thoughts and experiences with breastfeeding. I have been wanting to share them and now seems like the perfect time.
My own mother did not breastfeed me. She tried for two weeks and had issues so switched to the bottle. My younger sibling was bottle fed from the start.
My maternal grandmother did not breastfeed her five children.
I don't recall anyone in my extended family or acquaintances breastfeeding or talking about it openly.
I was told that my aunty breastfed her three children, so I went to her for help two weeks after I had started breastfeeding my first child.
I had a very painful experience... I almost quit on several occasions.
During my pregnancy I knew I wanted to breastfeed. I made that decision because I believe it is the best thing for my children. I was under the assumption that it was a natural, beautiful thing to do.... I don't recall anyone mentioning anything about pain or learning how to breastfeed... I thought it just happened.
I mean c'mon, all you hear about is how painful labour and childbirth is.... geez, that is nothing compared to learning how to breastfeed! At least you know the labour will end.... this breastfeeding thing can be painful for weeks!
From the start I had no idea what I was doing. Yes that was my fault for not learning. She attached incorrectly, gave me blister upon blister and I cried and curled my toes up in pain. The thought of feeding her made me cringe. I would count down the minutes to the next feed.... in fear of more pain.
The midwives in the hospital all tried to help and offer assistance but it didn't change a thing.
Pumping was worse. The part that really hurt was the thought of failing.
I wanted to break the cycle and actually breastfeed my daughter. It was hard not being able to go to my own mother and ask for help when I needed her. It made me sad to know that my grandmother didn't breastfeed her daughter either. I set my mind to do this and I wanted to succeed.
It took about 2 - 3 weeks before the pain subsided and I could start to enjoy my newborn and stop feeling the pain. I am glad I pushed through it and was able to nurse her for ten months.
Those moments were amazing.
Now with my second daughter, I made sure I reviewed and re-learnt how to breastfeed again before she was born. This time I prayed not only for a healthy baby and a safe delivery, but for a good breastfeeding experience. From the first feed, she latched on correctly and although initially painful, I knew it was nothing compared to the first time round.
A few days ago as I was feeding, I looked down at my 5 month old and realised that all of her little life was due to me. I have been the only one keeping her alive, healthy and growing every day. It was such a satisfying moment. I felt amazing!
I want to be a positive role model for my daughters.
My two year old came to me today asking "milkies?"
She had her toy Ducky with her.
I thought she was referring to her sister who had just finished a feed.
She stood holding Ducky and lifted up her top. Ducky was given a 'feed.' Then burped.
I was the proudest mother.
We learn by watching others.
I'm glad my daughters are watching me and learning.
I thought this was a beautiful, real experience of breastfeeding. It made me stop and examine my own "Breastfeeding Story." I'm going to post mine in a few days. Until then, I thought I'd ask...what's YOUR story? Was it easy for you to breastfeed? Was it challenging? If you stuck with it, how did you make it through? How has breastfeeding changed your life? What motivated you to breastfeed your baby?
Thursday, September 9, 2010
Inspiration
So last night, I attended the Queen Creek Birth Circle for the first time. I've been meaning to go since my daughter was born, but each month I either forgot or had other commitments. I had such a wonderful time being in a group where we all had the same interests and thoughts about childbirth. Many of us had babies the same age and nursed them freely, some covered, some not. It was so wonderful to be in that setting and have no qualms about nursing. Sometimes, depending on the place or the people that are around, nursing can be embarrassing or it can be uncomfortable because the other people seem to feel uncomfortable. But, last night, it wasn't like that at all and I really appreciated it. It was just really refreshing. I talked to two women who are currently doulas and it reminded me how much I want to become a doula, so I am even more committed to finding a way to do that.
The reason I wanted to post though was because of some inspiration I found last night at the birth circle. The topic was Birth Stories. There was a woman there who was 1 week post emergency c-section and she told her story. It was so full of raw emotion, as her feelings are obviously so new and she is still processing the whole thing. What happened was that at 38 weeks (I think) her baby was discovered to be breech. She was going to the doctor who I originally started with before planning my home birth with a midwife (her doctor is a great OB who is very, very supportive of birth as a natural process and not a medical event). They tried everything for two weeks to turn the baby: acupuncture, swimming, crazy positions, etc. The mother even drove 56 miles one way to see a chiropractor who was especially good at turning babies. At her last appointment, the baby had not moved an inch. He didn't budge! It was so heartbreaking for this mother. They decided to do an external version in the hospital, realizing that it could very well turn into a c-section if the baby did not respond well. She said the version was the most painful thing she's ever been through and would never do it again. During the procedure, the baby's heart rate dropped to 60 and was very unstable. The doctor said "You are having a baby today!" and preparations were made for the c-section. It was an emergency and she said several doctors and nurses were coming in, because they couldn't find a heartbeat and when they did find it, it was very low and unstable. When the baby was born, the umbilical cord was only 6 inches long. The baby was a slow starter, but is healthy and doing well now.
It is such an amazing thing to realize that this baby knew exactly how he needed to be born. There would have been great difficulties if this baby would have been born vaginally and who knows what the outcome would have been. It is a testament to me of trusting our bodies and being open to what may happen. We may have plans for our birth, and those plans are very important, but ultimately we also have to know that everything that happens in this life has a purpose and there's reason for it. This mother, although extremely sad and still traumatized from the birth, realizes what a tremendous blessing it was for her baby to be breech. It is a reminder to me that no matter what my birth plans may be for future babies, that I need to listen to my inner spirit and trust in the process of giving birth, even when that process is not what I have in mind. I left feeling very inspired and grateful for the lesson I learned!
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
My second birth story
This is the birth of my daughter, Maude Violet, who was born at home.
wow...where to begin?
it seems crazy that just a little over 24 hours ago, our sweet little girl was inside my tummy and now she is here! i am falling in love with her even more every second...she is so darling!
maude's birth story really begins with max's birth - in short, although max's birth was a beautiful and amazing experience, i knew i wanted to do it differently this time. i knew i for sure wanted to give birth naturally, without any drugs. when i first found out i was pregnant again, i decided to hire a doula to help me with the natural birth in a hospital. however, as my pregnancy progressed, i started researching more and more, and ultimately decided at 32 weeks (after months of research and prayer) to have her at home. it felt like such a right decision and i felt so peaceful about making it. everything totally fell into place. i knew everything would be okay.
on saturday morning, december 26th, i woke up with lots of crampy contractions that were about 10 minutes apart. by midday i was thinking that surely this was labor...because when i went into labor with max, that is exactly how it felt! we went for a long walk and i called my parents to let them know that i was maybe in labor. i kept them updated throughout the day and although my contractions were not really getting stronger, they decided to hop in the car and drive down so as to hopefully not miss her birth. they even drove straight through the night (17 hours) from boise to mesa to get here. we were very touched that they would do that! my midwife met me at target on saturday night and gave me some herbs to take that would help my body get going (if it was time). i took them about 4 times (and man they were disgusting!) and my contractions picked up around 10:30 pm. i labored until about 2:00 am and then, since they weren't getting stronger, i just decided to go to bed. we had the house all prepared - nice and spotless, and everything ready, in case it was time. i was a bit disappointed to wake up at 6:30 am on sunday morning and realize that nothing had changed...and actually, that my contractions were gone! i was really trying not to get my hopes up but after laboring that night, i felt like it was for sure the real deal.
we went on a nice walk sunday morning but still not many contractions. we also went to church, but then i came home early because i was so tired and just wanted to rest. i didn't get a nap though because max wouldn't go down for a nap! so, instead, i just hung out with my parents and waited for trav to come home. my midwife came over to check me because i sort of felt like i could feel something bulging into my vagina - we just wanted to be careful, especially because the baby was sooooo low (her bum was half way down my tummy - she was super engaged and just ready to come!). her heart tones looked good and my cervix was at 4.5 centimeters and basically completely effaced. my midwife said the only reason i was not going anywhere was because my cervix was still really high up (posterior) and needed to move down (anterior). she helped pull it forward but it went right back up...darn it! she stripped some of my membranes then left and we hoped that maybe that would get things going finally.
about an hour after she left, i began to have very regular and painful contractions that were about 5-6 minutes apart. after timing them for an hour or so, we decided to call the midwives to come over because we all thought my labor would go pretty fast considering how low she was. oh how we were so wrong!! i labored all night long (until 5 am) with contractions 4-5 minutes apart and then when things were just not picking up at all (and in fact, they were even slowing down!!), we decided to just go to bed (i was only dilated barely to a 6 after 12 hours of labor...such a different story than with max!). i was so tired of the laboring! it was really not that bad since i had so much time to rest between, but i was mostly just tired of the mental game. i was just ready to have the baby and i started to feel so hopeless...like how long was i going to have to labor all night long before she came? we didn't really want another night after 2 nights of laboring. the midwives went to eat at about 5 am and when they came back at 6:30 am, i was still sleeping and we just decided that they could go home and we would call them when my contractions got closer together and were really going somewhere. we were all basically in amazement that i didn't have a baby in my arms at that point.
i didn't really have any more contractions between when they left until 8:30 (just a few but not terribly close together or painful) but at about 8:45 am on monday morning (december 28th), i woke up to a LOUD pop and i was like...oh crap...my water just broke! i hopped out of bed and ran to the toilet and told travis to call alison right away! i knew inside that things were going to go so fast and i was so not prepared for an unassisted birth. it took about 15 minutes for my contractions to really start coming but once they started coming, they were incredibly painful. the midwives were on their way but i knew it'd be about 25 minutes. i started to feel pressure almost right away and i started to get really scared. i wasn't scared that anything was wrong, i just was scared that my body wouldn't hold out long enough for alison and sally to arrive. i had travis say a prayer and that gave me some comfort. i was laboring on my hands and knees (that was the position that felt the best to me during my whole labor) and alison told travis over the phone to have me lay on my side - hands and knees was too effective of a position! if i would have stayed on my hands and knees, she definitely would not have waited to come! laboring on my side was incredibly painful but i only had about 4 or 5 contractions that were right on top of each other so it didn't last very long. i was definitely losing the ability to cope however and i am sure the pain was stronger since i had a lot of fear inside. the moment i heard sally and alison come in and throw their bags down, it was like my body took over and i immediately felt maude's head shove down against my perineum. i cried out "i have to push! i need to get on my hands and knees...can i move???" i felt so paralyzed by the pain but they helped me move and my body started pushing. i said "it's burning!" and i was so suprised by that because when i imagined pushing, i imagined having to push for awhile before i would feel the burn. feeling it on my first push, i knew that she was almost here and that i could do it. pushing was such a relief! i could no longer feel the contractions and my body was just taking over. even though i felt the "ring of fire" it was not as bad as everyone has said it was - i just wanted the baby to be out! sally asked me if i wanted to change positions so as to slow it down so i wouldn't tear but i said "no! i just want to push! i want her out!" i pushed a few more times and she was out! oh it was such a relief! i couldn't believe it was over!! they helped me lay down on my side and i reached through my legs and grabbed my beautiful baby. she was bigger than any of us thought! i held her down by my belly until her cord stopped pulsating and we cut it (only 4 or 5 minutes probably). the cord was short so i couldn't hold her up by my breasts. once we cut the cord, i delivered the placenta and just laid there on the bathroom floor (don't worry, we've got a big bathroom!) holding my baby. she cried and cried but once i put her by my breast, she calmed right down. her apgar was a 10 both times! she was very healthy and so beautiful. i also only tore a tiny bit, but not even enough to need to stich up.
*side story: the midwives got pulled over on there way to me after my water broke!! thank goodness they still made it in time (well...like they made it with only 4 minutes to spare!)
we brought max in just after she was delivered (he was playing with grampy in his bedroom) and he was very in awe of everything. he was very excited and rolled all over the ground on the pillows making crying sounds just like the baby. we laid there for awhile then we went to the bed and i tried to breastfeed her but she was really not interested. during that time max was just playing around and then he went into the bathroom and started rolling around on the pillows again, this time moaning! it was hilarious because he was totally copying me giving birth! i said to travis "go look at him...he is pretending he's having a baby!" he was rolling on the ground, making moaning sounds just like i had been doing. it was the cutest thing in the world. he is so observant! and obviously none of it phased him...he handled it very well (which i knew he would).
the midwives got everything cleaned up, helped me get a shower, and did a newborn exam on maude and then after about 3 hours, they left and we were able to spend time as our little family. everything surrounding her birth was so incredibly peaceful. even though i was in labor for such a long time, it was so do-able. i felt so relaxed and comfortable - i walked around, talked, ate, laughed, etc. it made it so easy. even though my contractions were painful i was very lucky and really only felt them at their peak, so i only had to breathe about 4 deep breaths to get through them. then i had a long time to rest before i had to do it again. i only had about 30 minutes of super intense contractions (the ones right after my water broke) and even though they were intense, i would do it again in a heartbeat. i loved giving birth naturally and will definitely have the rest of my children the same way. i feel such a sense of accomplishment. knowing the power that my body has is incredible. it is such a divine power and i really felt my divinity as i labored and made such a sacrifice for this baby. i have never felt anything so rewarding in my life. I am so grateful for Sally and Alison and the amazing job they did. They went above and beyond and made this birth such an incredibly good, positive, and spiritual experience. Their expertise and experience helped me so much.
i feel so good. i told my mom that right now i feel about how i felt 6 or 7 days post partum with max. i am hardly sore at all and have a lot more energy, even though i haven't gotten very much sleep. maude is breastfeeding so well and i am so grateful for that!
as travis wrote below, maude is a big beautiful healthy baby! 8 pounds 13 ounces...21 inches long. she is so beautiful! we are giving her a bath today so i will post more pictures later but she has beautiful dark hair and lots of it! AND she looks just like max! her cheeks are definitely chubbier than his were but when i look at her, i see my little baby boy! i need to get a head band on her to help me remember that it's not max :) jk.
max is really loving his little sister and is being so soft! he came in from his nap yesterday and i was surprised when the first thing he said as he came up to me was "baby!" (he couldn't even see her and had remembered she was there!). he is going to be a great big brother!
Maude's birth transformed me. There is no other way to say it. I am a completely different person after having her. The process of making the decision to have a home birth and her birth itself were two very important things in my life that taught me a lot about myself. Her birth gave me confidence. Confidence in myself, my body, my intuition. Her birth taught me how God speaks to me. I learned how to release my fears as I prepared for her birth. I came closer to my husband. More importantly, I came closer to God. Her birth makes me crave more births. Her birth makes me want to experience that miracle over and over again. Every decision I make in my life now, whether it is the food I eat, the places I go or the way I take care of my family, is done with a consciousness that I did not previously have. I am now a conscientious person, a conscientious parent. I question things and I research. I follow my heart. Her birth empowered me. And for that, I am so grateful.
(There are a few things I would change about her birth: First, my midwives would be there, hehe. I got very fearful at the end because they were not there. I truly believe that if I can release that fear at the end of the birth, I can have a painless birth. Her birth was not painful up until the end, and that coincidentally, was when I had the most fear. I am interested to see how it plays out next time around! Second, I would do more skin-to-skin time with her. It seems like there were so many visitors that I always wanted to be covered up and modest. Next time I will do skin-to-skin time and have that be my first priority, and modesty my second priority. Meaning, I will be with her and then if someone wants to come in, I will cover up. But I will not stay covered up just for the sake of being covered up. Third, I would maybe have left the cord attached longer. We did wait to cut it until it was done pulsating but I may wait longer next time to detach it from the placenta. Truly, there are not many things I'd change about her birth. It was pretty close to perfect for me!)
wow...where to begin?
it seems crazy that just a little over 24 hours ago, our sweet little girl was inside my tummy and now she is here! i am falling in love with her even more every second...she is so darling!
maude's birth story really begins with max's birth - in short, although max's birth was a beautiful and amazing experience, i knew i wanted to do it differently this time. i knew i for sure wanted to give birth naturally, without any drugs. when i first found out i was pregnant again, i decided to hire a doula to help me with the natural birth in a hospital. however, as my pregnancy progressed, i started researching more and more, and ultimately decided at 32 weeks (after months of research and prayer) to have her at home. it felt like such a right decision and i felt so peaceful about making it. everything totally fell into place. i knew everything would be okay.
on saturday morning, december 26th, i woke up with lots of crampy contractions that were about 10 minutes apart. by midday i was thinking that surely this was labor...because when i went into labor with max, that is exactly how it felt! we went for a long walk and i called my parents to let them know that i was maybe in labor. i kept them updated throughout the day and although my contractions were not really getting stronger, they decided to hop in the car and drive down so as to hopefully not miss her birth. they even drove straight through the night (17 hours) from boise to mesa to get here. we were very touched that they would do that! my midwife met me at target on saturday night and gave me some herbs to take that would help my body get going (if it was time). i took them about 4 times (and man they were disgusting!) and my contractions picked up around 10:30 pm. i labored until about 2:00 am and then, since they weren't getting stronger, i just decided to go to bed. we had the house all prepared - nice and spotless, and everything ready, in case it was time. i was a bit disappointed to wake up at 6:30 am on sunday morning and realize that nothing had changed...and actually, that my contractions were gone! i was really trying not to get my hopes up but after laboring that night, i felt like it was for sure the real deal.
we went on a nice walk sunday morning but still not many contractions. we also went to church, but then i came home early because i was so tired and just wanted to rest. i didn't get a nap though because max wouldn't go down for a nap! so, instead, i just hung out with my parents and waited for trav to come home. my midwife came over to check me because i sort of felt like i could feel something bulging into my vagina - we just wanted to be careful, especially because the baby was sooooo low (her bum was half way down my tummy - she was super engaged and just ready to come!). her heart tones looked good and my cervix was at 4.5 centimeters and basically completely effaced. my midwife said the only reason i was not going anywhere was because my cervix was still really high up (posterior) and needed to move down (anterior). she helped pull it forward but it went right back up...darn it! she stripped some of my membranes then left and we hoped that maybe that would get things going finally.
about an hour after she left, i began to have very regular and painful contractions that were about 5-6 minutes apart. after timing them for an hour or so, we decided to call the midwives to come over because we all thought my labor would go pretty fast considering how low she was. oh how we were so wrong!! i labored all night long (until 5 am) with contractions 4-5 minutes apart and then when things were just not picking up at all (and in fact, they were even slowing down!!), we decided to just go to bed (i was only dilated barely to a 6 after 12 hours of labor...such a different story than with max!). i was so tired of the laboring! it was really not that bad since i had so much time to rest between, but i was mostly just tired of the mental game. i was just ready to have the baby and i started to feel so hopeless...like how long was i going to have to labor all night long before she came? we didn't really want another night after 2 nights of laboring. the midwives went to eat at about 5 am and when they came back at 6:30 am, i was still sleeping and we just decided that they could go home and we would call them when my contractions got closer together and were really going somewhere. we were all basically in amazement that i didn't have a baby in my arms at that point.
i didn't really have any more contractions between when they left until 8:30 (just a few but not terribly close together or painful) but at about 8:45 am on monday morning (december 28th), i woke up to a LOUD pop and i was like...oh crap...my water just broke! i hopped out of bed and ran to the toilet and told travis to call alison right away! i knew inside that things were going to go so fast and i was so not prepared for an unassisted birth. it took about 15 minutes for my contractions to really start coming but once they started coming, they were incredibly painful. the midwives were on their way but i knew it'd be about 25 minutes. i started to feel pressure almost right away and i started to get really scared. i wasn't scared that anything was wrong, i just was scared that my body wouldn't hold out long enough for alison and sally to arrive. i had travis say a prayer and that gave me some comfort. i was laboring on my hands and knees (that was the position that felt the best to me during my whole labor) and alison told travis over the phone to have me lay on my side - hands and knees was too effective of a position! if i would have stayed on my hands and knees, she definitely would not have waited to come! laboring on my side was incredibly painful but i only had about 4 or 5 contractions that were right on top of each other so it didn't last very long. i was definitely losing the ability to cope however and i am sure the pain was stronger since i had a lot of fear inside. the moment i heard sally and alison come in and throw their bags down, it was like my body took over and i immediately felt maude's head shove down against my perineum. i cried out "i have to push! i need to get on my hands and knees...can i move???" i felt so paralyzed by the pain but they helped me move and my body started pushing. i said "it's burning!" and i was so suprised by that because when i imagined pushing, i imagined having to push for awhile before i would feel the burn. feeling it on my first push, i knew that she was almost here and that i could do it. pushing was such a relief! i could no longer feel the contractions and my body was just taking over. even though i felt the "ring of fire" it was not as bad as everyone has said it was - i just wanted the baby to be out! sally asked me if i wanted to change positions so as to slow it down so i wouldn't tear but i said "no! i just want to push! i want her out!" i pushed a few more times and she was out! oh it was such a relief! i couldn't believe it was over!! they helped me lay down on my side and i reached through my legs and grabbed my beautiful baby. she was bigger than any of us thought! i held her down by my belly until her cord stopped pulsating and we cut it (only 4 or 5 minutes probably). the cord was short so i couldn't hold her up by my breasts. once we cut the cord, i delivered the placenta and just laid there on the bathroom floor (don't worry, we've got a big bathroom!) holding my baby. she cried and cried but once i put her by my breast, she calmed right down. her apgar was a 10 both times! she was very healthy and so beautiful. i also only tore a tiny bit, but not even enough to need to stich up.
*side story: the midwives got pulled over on there way to me after my water broke!! thank goodness they still made it in time (well...like they made it with only 4 minutes to spare!)
we brought max in just after she was delivered (he was playing with grampy in his bedroom) and he was very in awe of everything. he was very excited and rolled all over the ground on the pillows making crying sounds just like the baby. we laid there for awhile then we went to the bed and i tried to breastfeed her but she was really not interested. during that time max was just playing around and then he went into the bathroom and started rolling around on the pillows again, this time moaning! it was hilarious because he was totally copying me giving birth! i said to travis "go look at him...he is pretending he's having a baby!" he was rolling on the ground, making moaning sounds just like i had been doing. it was the cutest thing in the world. he is so observant! and obviously none of it phased him...he handled it very well (which i knew he would).
the midwives got everything cleaned up, helped me get a shower, and did a newborn exam on maude and then after about 3 hours, they left and we were able to spend time as our little family. everything surrounding her birth was so incredibly peaceful. even though i was in labor for such a long time, it was so do-able. i felt so relaxed and comfortable - i walked around, talked, ate, laughed, etc. it made it so easy. even though my contractions were painful i was very lucky and really only felt them at their peak, so i only had to breathe about 4 deep breaths to get through them. then i had a long time to rest before i had to do it again. i only had about 30 minutes of super intense contractions (the ones right after my water broke) and even though they were intense, i would do it again in a heartbeat. i loved giving birth naturally and will definitely have the rest of my children the same way. i feel such a sense of accomplishment. knowing the power that my body has is incredible. it is such a divine power and i really felt my divinity as i labored and made such a sacrifice for this baby. i have never felt anything so rewarding in my life. I am so grateful for Sally and Alison and the amazing job they did. They went above and beyond and made this birth such an incredibly good, positive, and spiritual experience. Their expertise and experience helped me so much.
i feel so good. i told my mom that right now i feel about how i felt 6 or 7 days post partum with max. i am hardly sore at all and have a lot more energy, even though i haven't gotten very much sleep. maude is breastfeeding so well and i am so grateful for that!
as travis wrote below, maude is a big beautiful healthy baby! 8 pounds 13 ounces...21 inches long. she is so beautiful! we are giving her a bath today so i will post more pictures later but she has beautiful dark hair and lots of it! AND she looks just like max! her cheeks are definitely chubbier than his were but when i look at her, i see my little baby boy! i need to get a head band on her to help me remember that it's not max :) jk.
max is really loving his little sister and is being so soft! he came in from his nap yesterday and i was surprised when the first thing he said as he came up to me was "baby!" (he couldn't even see her and had remembered she was there!). he is going to be a great big brother!
Maude's birth transformed me. There is no other way to say it. I am a completely different person after having her. The process of making the decision to have a home birth and her birth itself were two very important things in my life that taught me a lot about myself. Her birth gave me confidence. Confidence in myself, my body, my intuition. Her birth taught me how God speaks to me. I learned how to release my fears as I prepared for her birth. I came closer to my husband. More importantly, I came closer to God. Her birth makes me crave more births. Her birth makes me want to experience that miracle over and over again. Every decision I make in my life now, whether it is the food I eat, the places I go or the way I take care of my family, is done with a consciousness that I did not previously have. I am now a conscientious person, a conscientious parent. I question things and I research. I follow my heart. Her birth empowered me. And for that, I am so grateful.
(There are a few things I would change about her birth: First, my midwives would be there, hehe. I got very fearful at the end because they were not there. I truly believe that if I can release that fear at the end of the birth, I can have a painless birth. Her birth was not painful up until the end, and that coincidentally, was when I had the most fear. I am interested to see how it plays out next time around! Second, I would do more skin-to-skin time with her. It seems like there were so many visitors that I always wanted to be covered up and modest. Next time I will do skin-to-skin time and have that be my first priority, and modesty my second priority. Meaning, I will be with her and then if someone wants to come in, I will cover up. But I will not stay covered up just for the sake of being covered up. Third, I would maybe have left the cord attached longer. We did wait to cut it until it was done pulsating but I may wait longer next time to detach it from the placenta. Truly, there are not many things I'd change about her birth. It was pretty close to perfect for me!)
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