Husbands and Out of Hospital Birth

I have received a few emails lately asking me about the journey that my husband and I took as we made the decision to have an out of hospital birth. I figure that there are probably more women wondering about this very subject, so I decided to write about it on this blog for the benefit of any who are in a position of thinking about having an out of hospital birth.

First, I must say, that this decision is going to be different for everyone. Relationships vary greatly, so the journey my husband and I took may look completely different from your individual journey. The most important thing to remember is that education and knowledge are keys to empowerment and good decision-making. Faith and prayer also go a long way with helping to ease fear and find peace.

When I brought up the idea of having a home birth to my husband, the first thing he said was "Why? What's wrong with just having the baby in the hospital?" I had to think about my answer for awhile and simply told him "Please let me just share the things I've learned with you and after that, tell me how you feel." Over a few weeks of discussion, he gradually realized that a lot of times the complications that happen in hospitals are due to interventions that do not happen at home or in a birth center. He learned that home or birth center births are statistically just as safe, if not safer for mother and baby, than hospital births. He learned that there is a "business of birth" and a lot of money is involved. There's a lot of fear of litigation and malpractice. There are time tables. He realized that birth was a natural process. After learning these things, we discussed birth - a lot. Was a home birth right for us? We prayed, we studied, we read, we learned. I knew, in my heart, that home birth was right, but I had to dispel a lot of fears. I had to deal with negativity from family members and close friends. I had to take a leap of faith and trust the feelings I was having that were driving me towards having an out of hospital birth. My husband had to do the same. Ultimately, he told me that he supported me in whatever I wanted to do. I told him that I needed him behind me 100% on having a home birth, or I would not do it. I needed him behind me. We met with the midwife I was considering using and after our meeting with her, we both felt very excited and better about having a home birth. Meeting with the midwife helped to ease fears we had as we asked questions and found answers. After that meeting, he told me that he supported me 100% and although we both had occasional fears, we had both felt peaceful and excited about the decision. We didn't tell people about our decision to have a home birth until after the fact because we are both very sensitive people and don't handle confrontation or negativity very well. We relied on each other and on the confirmations we had received through prayer to continue on with our decision.

There will be critics from any side. If you birth in a hospital, you will have a critic somewhere. If you birth at home, there will be a critic. If you go to a birth center, I'm sure you'll find a critic. Ultimately, I've learned, you must find some way to push those critics aside and find your own self. You have to be true to yourself, no matter what area it is in. Even if those critics or negative voices are yourself (aren't we ever so hard on ourselves? I know I am.) you must find a way to silence them and move forward. That doesn't mean ignoring gut feelings - you must always follow your instinct, your guide, The Spirit (if you are religious). For me, in every area of my life, my biggest fault is not getting over what the critics might say. It was a big one for me in my home birth decision, but ultimately, I had to do what I knew was right for me and disregard those negative voices.

My advice for husbands and an out of hospital birth decision is simple. Talk to him, educate him, tell him your feelings. Tell him how strongly you feel about things and help him to see things from your angle. Then, listen to him. Listen to how he feels. Listen to his concerns. Pray together and study together. Read about birth together. How do you feel at the end of the day? Do you feel happy about things? Excited? Then your out of hospital birth decision is probably right. At the end of the day, do you feel scared or that something's not right? Then it's probably wrong for you. Go with your gut. Branch out - learn new things, try to embrace new concepts (like the fact that hospitals are not the only safe place to give birth) - and then make your decision. Keep an open mind and ask your husband to keep his mind open as well. In the end, I know you'll be able to make the best decision for your personal situation and I hope, whatever decision that is, that you've got your husband 100% behind you.

*I have to say that now, after having had a home birth, my husband actually advocates for natural child birth as well as home birth :) He's been known to talk birth to a few friends and classmates and that has made me very giddy to hear!

Here's a post on the preparation and decision making for home birth.
Here's another post about home births and dads.
And, one more here.

VBAC link

I've got a friend who is pregnant with her second child and fighting her way towards a VBAC after an unnecessary c-section the first time around. She wrote a great post with some links to information about VBACs that I wanted to share, as I know I have a few readers who are wanting VBACs in the future.

See the post here on Operation Housewife.

Thoughts

I have to apologize for my lack of posts lately on this blog (if anyone's even reading!) but between a husband, two kids, a house, and life in general, i haven't found the time to share my thoughts about birth.

I've had lots of thoughts and ideas running through my head lately about birth but since I happen to be short on time, I'll share only one of those thoughts.

Each month, I attend a birth circle in Queen Creek, Arizona. It is a place where like-minded women meet to discuss pregnancy and birth. It is an awesome group! For one thing, it is nice to have conversations about birth where you can literally finish the other person's sentence. There is such a tangible feeling their of true concern and love for each other...it is just wonderful.

So, at our last meeting, two nurses came from a local hospital because they were feeling very frustrated with what they see every day at Labor and Delivery and were looking to find support for their ideas and feelings (they are the "black sheep" where they work because *gasp* they support natural birth!!!). It was quite shocking to hear what they had to say about the things they're seeing at work. Obviously no personal information was shared, so as to not break any laws, but they explained to us the kinds of things they're seeing; the kinds of things I've been reading and hearing about! It was sad to me to realize that all of the issues we're facing in birth right now aren't simply things I've read about on the internet...they are actually happening right in my back yard. That particular day at work, those ladies had 16 births. How many of those births do you think were cesarean sections? Seven. Seven out of sixteen births! Born by c-section. We asked what the reasons for the c-sections were and the majority would be considered unnecessary, meaning they were failure to progress/failed induction, etc. Hearing this made me so sad. That is almost a 50% c-section rate for that day. Astounding! That particular hospital's rate is between 33-34% overall...much, much too high. Unfortunately, extremely common.

What I came away with, however, was not overwhelming sadness and disgust for the way birth is at this point in time...I came away with a renewed desire to continue educating and inspiring women so that they do not have to go through traumatic births (vaginal or surgical). I want to help women see that birth can be something that doesn't have to be feared. I want to help women have the type of birth they want and know how to achieve that in any setting whether that is a hospital, a birth center, or at home. I want to make a difference...even if it is one woman at a time. Right now, my scope of influence is very small, but I hope someday to have more opportunities to educate and inspire by becoming a doula and a childbirth educator. I've pondered those things a lot lately and have come to realize that as badly as I want to do those things right now, it is not the right time. That makes me sad, but I also know that my most important job is to take care of my family first. I know someday I'll be able to work with women and help them achieve the births they desire. Until then, this blog will continue to be a wonderful outlet for me and my small way of making a difference.

More posts to come (soon, hopefully)!

What things have you been thinking about lately, in regards to pregnancy or birth?

two great posts

i love stephanie's birth blog. she is a midwife here in Arizona and she has a nice writing style. two of her most recent posts were great and i can just say "amen" to everything she wrote!

check them out:

big babies

here's a quote i liked from "big babies"

 “Big babies cause tears.” – I just don’t believe this! Big babies don’t cause tears as much as impatient care providers, rough perineal massage, epidurals, lithotomy position, coached pushing, poor diet in pregnancy, dehydration…! The two largest babies I’ve ever seen born were 11 lbs 8 ounces (this weekend), and 13 pounds 5 ounces (many years ago). Neither mom tore at all. (see #2 analogy of smoke detectors)


i second that!! my second baby was a pound bigger than my first - with my first i tore very badly (had an epidural and rough perineal massage by the doctor, which i thought was supposed to help not tear...but have found out that increases the chances of tearing...great!) - with my second...slight tear...like a papercut that didn't even need stitches. it healed on its own...i felt normal the second i gave birth (i am not kidding). there was no recovery. sooooo. i agree with the fact that big babies do not necessarily mean "big tearing."

what bugs me...

here's a quote i liked from "what bugs me..." it's something to think about...really! (emphasis added)


When I am talking to someone who finds out that I’m a midwife and their response is, “Oh, I LOVE my epidurals!!” (wait – I’m not to what bugs me yet! That’s fine and dandy with me, I totally get that and I’m glad that they had positive experiences with an epidural!) But as we continue the conversation and they start telling me about how they have horrible heartburn and their doctor gave them some prescription but they don’t want to take it because they don’t want the drugs to get to the baby….that they won’t even take Tylenol because they are pregnant….they are M-O-R-T-I-F-I-E-D if they see someone pregnant take a sip of wine!! But on the day in which their baby will go through the largest physical transformation they will ever have, the ONE day in which drugs will have the biggest possible impact on that baby….on that day they almost proudly declare, “Load me up!” (i've totally heard that before)

Let me make this clear….no, it is not just that your baby’s lungs start breathing, it’s so much more than that. Let’s look at just your baby’s heart! What happens IMMEDIATELY at birth…
… As soon as the baby is born, the foramen ovale, ductus arteriosus ductus venosus and umbilical vessels are no longer needed.
… The sphincter in the ductus venosus constricts, so that all blood entering the liver passes through the hepatic sinusoids.
… Occlusion of the placental circulation causes an immediate fall of blood pressure in the IVC and right atrium.
- Increasing uptake of oxygen by lungs (first and subsequent breaths) induces a vasoconstriction of ductus venosus and ductus arteriosis

It’s socially unacceptable to take a sip of wine when you are 28 weeks pregnant…but totally okay to do Stadol and get an epidural with Fentanyl in it (Fentanyl is 100 times more potent than Morphine) – in fact, it’s weird if you don’t do that. I don’t get it.

native american birth

this last week, i went to the grand canyon with my husband, children, and parents. it was very very cold but oh so beautiful!

as i was browsing through one of the gift shops, i came across a book about the women native to the grand canyon. of course, i picked it up and started browsing for anything on childbirth. the book covered all sorts of subjects from menstrual cycles, menopause, sexual customs, marriage, and childbirth. i would have loved to have bought it but...i didn't.

anyways, i loved reading the passages about their feelings on childbirth. the feeling i got from it was that (in general) #1 - women did not fear the birth process, and #2 - they were surrounded by other women during labor and delivery.

i thought that was so interesting because as i have researched natural childbirth and prepared myself to have my own natural childbirth, those are two of the things that seem to be beneficial.

one of the indian women was playing with her friends when all of the sudden she experienced a pain and thought to herself that it must be time. as first time mothers, they often did not know what to expect but they just let their bodies follow a natural course and eventually ended up with a baby...amazing, right? but even with the lack of knowledge or preparation, i got the feeling that these mothers did not fear giving birth. this girl, after feeling the pain, went to the teepee that was set apart for giving birth and that is what she did, surrounded by many women, including her woman doctor, a medicine woman, or midwife.

another story was about a woman who again, was out and about her daily duties, when she also felt a strong sensation. she knew it might be time so she began to run to the place designated for giving birth and as she did so, her baby dropped out of her. so, she sat down and held/nursed the baby. her aunt came along and cut the cord with her fingernail, then they both went into the house to rest and clean up.

as i read these stories and customs, i thought of dr. grantly dick-read's findings on natural childbirth. after observing many indigenous women giving birth, he concluded that pain in childbirth was caused by fear and tension (see my post on the fear-tension-pain sequence here). he observed women going about their daily duties in africa, and when they felt that delivery was near, they would stop and squat against a wall, birth their babies, and then go on their way. women would do the same as they worked in the fields.

i always thought - how on earth could a woman give birth (naturally!) and then get right up and continue working? i couldn't understand that. i mean, childbirth is painful and you tear and yada yada yada...so how could they be so normal afterwards?

it wasn't until i experienced natural birth myself that i understood. after i had my baby girl, i really could have gotten up and gone about as normal (i didn't, i did rest, but the surge of energy i felt was incredible).

i think our birth culture greatly contributes to the amount of fear women feel towards giving birth. we hear of all of the horror stories that were probably truly scary, but we don't always hear about all of the positive stories. have you noticed that when you're pregnant everyone wants to tell you all of the scary stuff about childbirth? why do we as women feel the need to scare others out of their mind? it doesn't make sense to me. that is why i feel the need to help share positive birth experiences - i want to help women realize that they can give birth and that it doesn't have to be a scary, frightening experience. instead, it can be beautiful and peaceful and can be done without fear.

it is really striking to research other cultures and see how they feel about childbirth. as i read the passages about the native american women, i felt so good, for lack of a better word. what i was reading felt good and natural, and right (to me). i loved how they did not seem to express any fear or hesitation about the birth process and as a result, their childbirth seemed to be free of tension or pain.

i'd really like to continue doing more research on these native american women and who knows, maybe i'll even purchase the book someday :)

update: check this article out about birth at a native american hospital...i think we have a lot to learn from these wonderful people!