Last Minute Tips for a Natural Birth in a Hospital

My good friend is going to be giving birth any day now and is planning a natural birth in a hospital. I've been thinking about her lots and can't wait to hear how everything goes. I thought I'd jot down a quick list of tips she can use as she goes into this transformative experience. In my experience, being in a hospital makes it more difficult to have a natural birth (but by no means impossible - I know many women who have labored with pitocin and have gone on to give birth without pain medication) simply because the option for medication is there...that is why I thought I'd give these tips.

1. Remember everything you've studied and learned. Remember to trust your body and the process. Remember that the pain will not last and that it will be over before you know it. While you're laboring and it is getting intense, tell yourself you can do anything for one minute. Count to 10 as you have a contraction and tell yourself you can get to 10. Remember to breathe...slow down your breathing to give your body oxygen - feel the energy rush back into you as you become grounded again.

2. When you feel like giving up or when you feel like the pain is so intense that you want to die (hah!), it'll be over right after. Everyone told me this and I had no comprehension of what they meant until I experienced it myself...I literally could not bear it any longer and in that moment, it was over. And then the joy was indescribable.

3. Make sure you have support - either your partner, mother, doula, friend, etc. Make sure they will stand by you and help you get through it while reminding you of the type of birth you desire. Make sure they'll stand up for you and be your voice with the nurses and doctor.

4. Enjoy the process. Let go of the fears and savor these moments. Think positive thoughts. I love this quote by Grantly Dick-Read, "Many women have described their experiences of childbirth as being associated with a spiritual uplifting, the power of which they have never previously been aware...To such a woman childbirth is a monument of joy within her memory. She turns to it in thought to seek again an ecstasy which passed too soon." Incredibly, after you give birth, you may feel too that it passed to soon. Savor it.

5. Move around! Change positions. Do not stay flat on your back in the bed. Be upright! It will move your baby down and your pain will be more manageable.

6. Overall, just be present. Embrace the laboring, the pushing, the delivering. Don't let yourself get down by thoughts of "How much longer is this going to take?" Those thoughts will come, but push them away and fill it with a positive thought instead. Tell yourself it's a beautiful day for your baby's birth and practice patience.

Here's all of the warm wishes and luck in the world to my beautiful friend!

Husbands and Out of Hospital Birth

I have received a few emails lately asking me about the journey that my husband and I took as we made the decision to have an out of hospital birth. I figure that there are probably more women wondering about this very subject, so I decided to write about it on this blog for the benefit of any who are in a position of thinking about having an out of hospital birth.

First, I must say, that this decision is going to be different for everyone. Relationships vary greatly, so the journey my husband and I took may look completely different from your individual journey. The most important thing to remember is that education and knowledge are keys to empowerment and good decision-making. Faith and prayer also go a long way with helping to ease fear and find peace.

When I brought up the idea of having a home birth to my husband, the first thing he said was "Why? What's wrong with just having the baby in the hospital?" I had to think about my answer for awhile and simply told him "Please let me just share the things I've learned with you and after that, tell me how you feel." Over a few weeks of discussion, he gradually realized that a lot of times the complications that happen in hospitals are due to interventions that do not happen at home or in a birth center. He learned that home or birth center births are statistically just as safe, if not safer for mother and baby, than hospital births. He learned that there is a "business of birth" and a lot of money is involved. There's a lot of fear of litigation and malpractice. There are time tables. He realized that birth was a natural process. After learning these things, we discussed birth - a lot. Was a home birth right for us? We prayed, we studied, we read, we learned. I knew, in my heart, that home birth was right, but I had to dispel a lot of fears. I had to deal with negativity from family members and close friends. I had to take a leap of faith and trust the feelings I was having that were driving me towards having an out of hospital birth. My husband had to do the same. Ultimately, he told me that he supported me in whatever I wanted to do. I told him that I needed him behind me 100% on having a home birth, or I would not do it. I needed him behind me. We met with the midwife I was considering using and after our meeting with her, we both felt very excited and better about having a home birth. Meeting with the midwife helped to ease fears we had as we asked questions and found answers. After that meeting, he told me that he supported me 100% and although we both had occasional fears, we had both felt peaceful and excited about the decision. We didn't tell people about our decision to have a home birth until after the fact because we are both very sensitive people and don't handle confrontation or negativity very well. We relied on each other and on the confirmations we had received through prayer to continue on with our decision.

There will be critics from any side. If you birth in a hospital, you will have a critic somewhere. If you birth at home, there will be a critic. If you go to a birth center, I'm sure you'll find a critic. Ultimately, I've learned, you must find some way to push those critics aside and find your own self. You have to be true to yourself, no matter what area it is in. Even if those critics or negative voices are yourself (aren't we ever so hard on ourselves? I know I am.) you must find a way to silence them and move forward. That doesn't mean ignoring gut feelings - you must always follow your instinct, your guide, The Spirit (if you are religious). For me, in every area of my life, my biggest fault is not getting over what the critics might say. It was a big one for me in my home birth decision, but ultimately, I had to do what I knew was right for me and disregard those negative voices.

My advice for husbands and an out of hospital birth decision is simple. Talk to him, educate him, tell him your feelings. Tell him how strongly you feel about things and help him to see things from your angle. Then, listen to him. Listen to how he feels. Listen to his concerns. Pray together and study together. Read about birth together. How do you feel at the end of the day? Do you feel happy about things? Excited? Then your out of hospital birth decision is probably right. At the end of the day, do you feel scared or that something's not right? Then it's probably wrong for you. Go with your gut. Branch out - learn new things, try to embrace new concepts (like the fact that hospitals are not the only safe place to give birth) - and then make your decision. Keep an open mind and ask your husband to keep his mind open as well. In the end, I know you'll be able to make the best decision for your personal situation and I hope, whatever decision that is, that you've got your husband 100% behind you.

*I have to say that now, after having had a home birth, my husband actually advocates for natural child birth as well as home birth :) He's been known to talk birth to a few friends and classmates and that has made me very giddy to hear!

Here's a post on the preparation and decision making for home birth.
Here's another post about home births and dads.
And, one more here.

What are you interested in?

So, part of my goal for this blog is to be a sort of "entry-level" blog into natural birth. Once you dive into researching birth, it is amazing the complexity that you'll find. But, I don't necessarily want to dive into complex areas of pregnancy and birth...after all, I'm not a birth professional (yet) so I technically don't have all of the scientific knowledge, etc. I mostly want to educate women on the choices they have. We have a choice in everything we do...everything!

Doctors and midwives have so much knowledge, thankfully, but ultimately, our care rests in our hands. It is so important to be educated and to work with your care provider so that you attain the best care possible. Many care providers are very busy and unfortunately, that may mean that you are not always in their best interest. That doesn't mean they don't care about you, or that you aren't important to them, but it may mean that often times, things are done simply as a routine. This is where choices come in. Research things and educate yourself so that you know when you have a choice about something and when you don't. For example, you might discuss IV placement (if birthing in a hospital) with your doctor or midwife. IV's are not medically necessary for birth, but they are routine. If you do not wish to have an IV, you do not have to have one (based on the discussion with your doctor). Obviously, if you are planning to have an epidural or other pain medication, you will need that IV. If you are desiring a natural, intervention free birth, you don't need that IV. Many doctors say you need at least a Hep Lock, in case of an emergency situation, but to that I say: if there is an emergency situation, I think you could put an IV in my arm fast enough that everything would be just fine (after all, if an EMT can place an IV in someone injured in a car wreck in the dark, one will most likely be able to be placed in me in a brightly lit room). That is one area where you do have a choice. Again, you research it, you weigh the pros and cons, and then you make a choice. If you feel more comfortable having an IV in your arm, by all means, have that IV. If you feel it would interfere with your ability to cope with the intensity of a natural birth, then decline the IV placement. Doctors and midwives vary on this practice. My second OB (before I switched to a home birth midwife) told me that I did not have to have an IV, but that she would prefer that I have a Hep Lock. When I told her I'd rather not have either, she was supportive of that. She is a great doctor who is understanding of how natural birth differs from medicalized births, so for me, she was a great choice as a care provider. The most important thing to remember is that you do have a choice in care providers, so if you are not happy with the way your doctor or midwife handles things or if you do not agree with the way they view birth, then you are free to make the choice to switch. You are the one paying them, so you are free to find someone who is a good fit for you. If you are not satisfied with their care, by all means, switch! It is your health, your birth, and you need to be with someone who will work with you, support you, and include you as part of your care. Informed consent...means you are educated, you work with your care provider to make decisions, and you make choices based on the information you have been given and learned.

So my question is, what things are you interested in learning about on this blog? What things would you like to know more about? Is there any particular aspect of pregnancy and/or birth that you would like to broaden your knowledge on?

My response to Tianna

Tianna commented on the post below about my breastfeeding story. She had some questions for me, and my response was too long to post in the comments section. If anyone else has any other advice to offer on this subject (the logistics of nursing an older baby), please do contribute!

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Tianna, thank you :) I have been inspired by many, many women, so I am so happy to do the same.

(Nursing my two month old at the Grand Canyon...can't even tell, right?)

I do not, regularly, use a breastfeeding cover. I have gotten good enough at it where I can nurse very discreetly. I always have on a tank top underneath my shirt, so I will pull up my shirt and then pull my tank top down underneath my breast. I'll cover my breast with my hand while the baby latches on, then my shirt will cover the rest of it while she nurses (I realize that I am a small-chested woman, so this works for me, but it may not work if you have a large chest...I don't know about that because I don't have a large chest!). When she gets distracted and pulls off, I quickly pull my shirt down. That means I am always very self aware and never show anything. Most people don't even realize I'm nursing. There are times when I do use a cover. Often it is in a social situation where I feel uncomfortable because I know others feel uncomfortable with me nursing, like around lots of guy friends, etc. Sometimes, I do leave and go to another room because being around people is just too distracting. When the baby was small, I would nurse in Sacrament meeting without a problem. More often now, I go to the lounge because it is less distracting for her.

I am not perfect at nursing on demand. She still uses a binky and I like that. But I have tried to be more aware this time and offer her my breast when she cries, rather than offering her a binky. She will nurse anywhere and in any position. She nurses while I chase the toddler around, getting him off tables, etc. She nurses while I clean up toys. She nurses while I hold her brother. She is really adaptable because she loves it so much.

Max was not difficult to wean, but I think it is because I never really, really nursed him for more than just feedings. By the end, he was nursing three times a day. Gradually, we stopped nursing before his nap - I just would lay him down with his binky instead of nursing him. Then, instead of nursing him in the morning, I'd take him right out of his crib and we'd go eat breakfast. At night, I just didn't nurse him one night and that was that. It was really easy to wean him (easy logistically but not easy emotionally), but again, I feel that it is probably because I never really nursed him for much more than nourishment. I do not know how it will be with Maude, since I've approached the whole thing much differently this time around. However, I'm not worried about it. I am quite comfortable with nursing her as long as she needs it. Yes, even if she is 2 years old. I know that is not culturally acceptable, but it feels right to me and I believe that relationship is very important...even past one year old.

Max never drank milk. He doesn't like it. I don't like milk either. At first, I was concerned about it. But after a lot of research and prayer, I decided it wasn't a big deal. We are made to think that dairy is where we get all of our nourishment, but that's simply not true. In fact, too much dairy can cause problems like inflammation and over-production of mucous. He eats a very well balanced diet and he eats other dairy products like cheese and yogurt very well. If you are concerned about liquid intake, you could offer almond milk, whole milk or raw cow's milk, or rice milk. I don't recommend soy milk.

As for the babysitter goes...here are my thoughts, and I realize that this may not be how everyone thinks, but it is how I feel. When I am a nursing mother, I try to remember what a privilege and blessing it is to be a nursing mother and to be the only one who can provide that nourishment for my baby. That means that I may have to sacrifice things while I am nursing. For example, I cannot leave my baby overnight or for more than a few hours at a time. But, to me, that never feels like a sacrifice, because honestly, I do not wish to be away from my baby or toddler for that amount of time. For me personally, if I need to get away and have time to myself, an hour or two is enough for me to feel rejuvenated. If we go on a date, that is trickier. I will make sure to nurse the baby right before we leave, and we will go on a short date. Or, if needed, we'll come home and feed the baby, then go back out. I have not had success with pumping after the first few weeks of the baby's birth. I don't pump more than just an ounce or so, so I don't even try. I just realize that a bottle is not an option for me, and leaving them for a long time is not an option either. As long as I realize that it isn't an option for me, it doesn't feel hard or annoying. Honestly, it doesn't bother me, though I know, for some women, it is very important for them to be able to not feel "attached" in that way. Or for others, who work, it is a necessity to be away. I don't have any advice on that front because I have not been in the situation where I've had to leave my baby for work.

When the baby is older, they can go longer between feedings. I find that it is much easier to leave the baby as they get older. Before the baby is 6 months old, I rarely leave. If I do, it is for only an hour and a half. Or else, I am rushing home feeling stressed that the baby is hungry. Once they can eat solids, you can distract them with that until you return.

Do you have any other questions? Did I answer everything you were wondering?